I LOVE RICH – RESPECT THE RICH
Self-released on January 14, 2014.
In my heart this is the worst album of the year. Its existence is embarrassing, plain and simple, even to a guy like me who soaks up all things cheesy hair metal. Yet I’m pretty much forced to give it a less-than-rock-bottom rating based purely on technical reasons. I mean, the vocals aren’t that horrid, the musicianship is passable, and the production is on the low end of acceptable. Which is a pity, because in all other ways this album is the kind of thing that makes you re-evaluate the integrity of things like Poison’s first album.
So what are we looking at here? Well, how about a low-grade mid-70’s Kiss knock-off, minus all the subtlety. Does that paint a pretty picture? No lie, the vocalist is doing a dead-on Paul Stanley impersonation throughout the album, only a slight bit drunker (so in essence, he kinda sounds like Ace too). The music is a collection of warmed over Frehley riffs and bash-like-you-just-don’t-care drumbeats, adequately performed, although I think it’d be harder to screw these songs up than it would be to play them expertly. And oh those lyrics. Wooh, boy. Gene Simmons would read these babies and ask, “don’t you think this is a little too on the nose?”. The album (really just an EP) is 8 tracks in total. The opening title track is a hollow one minute instrumental that is by default, the best song on the album. The next five tracks are, in order: “(You’re So Hot) I Wanna Fuck You With The Lights On”; “Wake Up, Let Me Rock You”; “We’re Here To Save Rock And Roll”; “(You Can’t) Fight The Fire”; and finally, “If You Don’t Take Your Clothes Off, Tonight Is Gonna Suck”. Poetry, each and every one. Then to really ram the point home when get both a Spanish version *and* a “radio edit” of “(You’re So Hot) I Wanna Fuck You With The Lights On” (“Fuck” being replaced by “Love” in both the title and chorus), because radio play is SOOOOO in their future.
Look, I’ve listened to all number of over-the-top sleaze rock albums in the last 20 years. I may have even come across a few that had more embarrassing lyrics than this, but in those rare instances it was always possible to give them a bit of a pass because they were from somewhere far overseas where English is not the mother tongue and where 1980’s American trends are just now catching on. Or at the very least it was a very obvious stab at satire. This album? These guys? By gawd I think they’re serious. Plus they’re from Chicago. Oh, and this is apparently they’re fourth release. I thank my lucky stars that my streaming service doesn’t include the previous three, otherwise I mind find myself curiously sitting through their “working out or sound” phase and doing permanent damage.
Featured tracks: none, because I couldn’t find any. Even YouTube has taste apparently.
PRO-1, VOC-1, MUS-1, SNG-0, MSC-0 TOTAL-3