The Sticks Of Woof

A little love for the random thoughts of an idle mind.

* Considering the ferocity with which I followed the NFL this season, it’s shocking to me that I could not possibly care any less about the outcome of Sunday’s Super Bowl. After the Colts beat the Pats two weeks ago I climbed into my car for the long ride home, threw in a comedy CD, and proceeded to forget all about how miserable I should be. Since then I haven’t tuned my TV to ESPN save for one episode of “Around The Horn” this week, and have only read baseball-related stories on the various sports websites I frequent. Knowing that I’m going to miss the game has something to do with it I’m sure, but in truth, I’ve been a much happier person these past two weeks, so I don’t care that I don’t care.

* Few things in life are perfect. The Three Musketeers bar I ate yesterday afternoon around 3PM was one such thing.

* I do not now, nor have I ever watched an episode of “American Idol”. It’s not that I have anything against it (although I’ve seen enough bad karaoke in my life to know I couldn’t sit through the “bad singer” episodes), but it just never really appealed to me, much the same way that “Star Search” always struck me as lame. As a result, my only exposure to Chris Daughtry was via the AI commercials I was inundated with during football season last year, and at the time I remember thinking, “whoa, killer voice”. Now that I’ve purchased his band’s first CD and played it on average twice-daily over the span of 12 days, I must say I’m kinda bummed I missed seeing him on the show.

* Follow-up to the above. I freely admit that my musical tastes are extremely bland for someone who owns so much music. I mean, I absolutely *LOVE* this Daughtry album, although in truth there is nothing all that exceptional about it. The music is very derivative of the whole nu-metal genre and certainly doesn’t break any new ground. The lyrics are equally as generic. But it has two things that I never get tired of: memorable hooks and amazing vocals. If a song is catchy and sung well (and features a guitar), I will like it. I don’t care how unimaginative it is.

* In case my last post didn’t make the point clear enough, I am *sooooo* ready for my theater break. And yet… I keep checking audition notices in hopes that something pops up that may interest me. I think I need to enter a 12-step program.

* As many who have heard me discuss in the past can attest, I have a golden rule of comedy that I refer to as “The 3 M’s of Comedy”. There are three things which I feel are guaranteed to get a laugh: midgets, monkeys and men in garter socks. (Which also brings up the notion that the funniest thing ever would be a midget in garter-socks holding hands with a monkey.) So last Friday as I was sitting at Hovey waiting for the mystery-thriller “A Woman In Black” to start, I found myself sitting next to this guy. Let’s call him Bob. (Actually, that *is* his name.) Anyway, I jokingly turned to Bob and said, “I hope this is a comedy.” Bob replied, “I don’t think it is.” (He’s kind of dry, that Bob.) So I says to him, I says, “Well maybe they should add a monkey.” Bob’s response, “You never know. Maybe they did.”

Flash forward to midway through Act II when, during a scene in which a child’s bedroom is being examined, what is held up for all to see? A STUFFED MONKEY!!

And for a moment, Bob and I laughed. See… monkeys are always funny, even in mystery-thrillers.

* UPDATE FROM LAST WOOF STICKS: I finally stopped eating those deliciously moist chocolate chip cookies. However, as discussed above, I’ve bought a new CD (3 actually). One vice for another and back again.

* Once upon a time I was considered a nerd. (You know, long before I became the popular stud I am today.) I had nerd friends. Even today, my best friend remains a gigantic nerd (yeah defcon_1, I’m lookin’ at YOU!). And yet… I have never once in all my years in the Nerd Kingdom come across a guy in clam-digger pants pulled up to his naval, wearing black eyeglasses with white tape over the bridge of the nose and a pocket-protector. AND YET… every time I see a nerd portrayed on TV or stage (such as last Saturday in New Bedfuh) that is the image I am presented. This is unjust. Perhaps nerds need to start considering themselves a special interest group so they can fight this horrific in inaccurate stereotyping.

* Addendum: I realize that within the Nerd Kingdom there is a distinct demarcation between “nerd” and “geek” and “dweeb” and “loser”. But that’s a post unto itself. I was using “nerd” in it’s broadest sense.

* Dick jokes are universally funny. Even to people who consider themselves above such things. Just thought I’d point that out.

* It is now officially February, the lamest month on the calendar, at least from where I stand. No cool holidays (and being perpetually single, I don’t consider Valentine’s Day “cool”), crappy northeast weather, the only month of the year without football or baseball, just an overall air of suck.

* I was going to take a moment to wish Tito a Happy 44th Birthday, but he doesn’t read this blog, so instead I’ll wish a Happy Fourth Anniversary to defcon_1 for the night he got so stinking drunk he passed out on the floor of the men’s room at the Rod & Gun Club. I mean seriously… that sounds like the punchline to a joke, right?


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