Money, Cash, Moolah, Wampams, Dead Presidents!

If you follow sports and entertainment closely, as I do, you’re bound to hear the phrase “money can’t buy happiness” quite a lot. It’s apparently supposed to explain why people who are extremely wealthy tend to often be miserable pricks, or why they behave like their money and stature entitles them to do whatever they want, law and morality be damned. The flip side of the phrase is that it’s supposed to make all of us less fortunate souls be thankful for what we have.

I’m here to say that I think money could quite easily buy *MY* happiness.

I mean, I don’t have extravagant tastes. If I suddenly became independently wealthy, I wouldn’t go out and buy the sleekest sports car I could find. And I wouldn’t be eating at all the finest restaurants in town. I’d buy a nice SUV and still eat at sub shops and pubs. If I had tons of money, I’d simply quit my job, and then proceed to spend all of my new found free time doing all the things I already do now, just more often. And quite frankly, I doubt highly that I’d get bored with it. Because I have ZERO desire to do anything more.

Which is not to say I wouldn’t spend. I’d be certain to buy a big fat house in some warm-but-not-oppressively-hot-n-sunny locale. I’d get the sweetest home theater system I could find. I would then proceed to blow insane amounts of money on videos and books and CD’s, because if I wasn’t working, that’s what I’d want to be doing. Those are the things I enjoy. To me, an afternoon spent flopped on the couch watching a movie is not wasted time. I like engaging my mind that way. To me, that’s idealic. I have no real lust for fame or for social stature. I like STUFF. I like the stuff I own, I’d just like more of it. Because at my core, I’m greedy and materialistic. The thing that separates my materialism from the average “rich but not happy” shmuck, is that I only want things I can use. I couldn’t care less about a piece of famous art work hanging on my wall. It won’t engage me for hours like a DVD will. And while I’d certainly be the type of guy who would throw the occasional lavish party had I the means to do so, I’m not the type who would feel the need to do it frequently, with the intent on showing off all my stuff. I’d do it because, hey, it’s fun to have people over and cut loose now and then.

With money, I might occasionally do some things that I’d never done before, like travel. But a great deal of the reason why I never have in past is that it doesn’t interest me enough. Sure, if it was easier to swing, maybe I’d do it. But I don’t see myself giving up all the things I enjoy now, just because other stuff becomes more attainable. Would I suddenly go out and buy an NFL franchise just because I love football? I doubt it. I’d definitely get me a nice luxury suite so I could go to games in person, but I don’t really need the hassle of owning a team. I love acting and directing, and I’d continue to do it, but if I had the means, I still don’t think I’d open my own theater. I don’t like stress.

Money can’t buy happiness, but I disagree. Because I’m a pretty happy guy, and the only things that seem to keep me from being a *totally* happy guy, are all tied in to financial need. I don’t like to work, I don’t like having a tiny apartment, and I really enjoy buying stuff when the mood strikes.

Which is why I’ll probably never be rich, or even well-off. Because if I was, it would throw nature all out of whack, and fate couldn’t handle that.


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