PARLIAMENT CITY WRESTLING
“GATES OF BUCKINGHAM”
Date: Thursday, June 14, 2001 (estimated)
DD: Our next match is for the PCW Tag Team Championship!
DD: Introducing first.. the challengers
[In the dark, a Chinese Mandolin’s distinctly tinny plucking filters through the speaker system. Each chord creating a sense of suspense, and yet, it is soothing to the ear. All is calm. Up on the big screen a single word has slowly materialized in huge blue lettering – Zen. It shimmers with a watery effect.]
[A deafening bomb-blast rocks the arena, accompanied by rapid machine-gun fire, and the wailing of dying victims; the unmistakable sound of warfare. In more huge lettering, this time metallic silver -Guerrilla – slams next to and above the other. Chaos segues rapidly into the harsh guitar riffs and violent vocals of “Fired From Life” by Bristle.]
## Some die for property ##
## Some die for love ##
## But nobody that I know personally ##
## Has ever come back again ##
## Fired from life ##
DD: Hailing from Seattle Washington…
[Then comes the stuttering spotlight trained on the curtain-draped entrance that serves as tonight’s focal point for PCW wrestlers entering the fray.]
## So if I die for humanity ##
## Or if I die for your flag ##
## It’s for my own reasons ##
## Thank you very much ##
## Fired from life ##
DD: And weighing in at a total combined weight of three hundred and ninety pounds…
[The spotlight shuts-off for a brief moment sending the crowd back into darkness. When it resumes two figures stand beneath its flashing gleam.]
DD: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you PCW’s newest edition, HERE IS GUUUERILLAAAAA ZEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!
## What is there of value ##
## That’s worth a human life ##
## Maybe all that hatred you’re feeling ##
## Is really for yourself ##
## Fired from life ##
[The lithe frames of Dash Jansen and Jett Torres ascent towards the ring. Both lifting their arms high above their heads, clenching their fists.]
## But if you’ve ever cared for someone ##
## Or someone’s ever cared for you ##
## Try to think about that look in their eyes ##
## Try to think about you ##
## Fired from life ##
[As they approach ringside, Dash and Jett sprint towards the ring and simultaneously leap onto the apron and bound, back flipping their way into the ring. A few strides and taunts for the mostly indifferent, yet somewhat hostile crowd before a microphone is produced by Jett Torres – the smaller half of the duo.]
Torres: Welcome, PCW fans, to the dawning of a new era.
[Jansen produces a microphone as well.]
Janssen: Clichéd as it may be, and believe me, no one hates clichés more than yours truly, but it’s true. Tonight on this very special edition of GOB the duo known as Guerilla Zen begin their ascent toward not only the top of PCW, but also the National Wrestling Council.
Torres: And how sweet it is, Dash.
Janssen: You’ve got that right! ‘Cause ya see, we didn’t spend the better part of our lives sweatin’ and bleedin’ to let it all slip through our grasps that easily.
Torres: Especially when the men who currently stand a top the mountain are inferior wrestlers, inferior in intellect, inferior in every conceivable way. Marky Peters and Chad Cormier are simply inferior men.
[A smattering of boos. Though small.]
Janssen: And tonight, we prove to the National Wrestling Council that Guerilla Zen deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as some of the other great tag teams of all time.
Torres: Actually Dash, that’s going to be pretty tough to do simply by beating those two buffoons. After all, it’s obvious to EVERYONE and Lee Clark’s brother that they’re simply overmatched and outclassed.
Janssen: It’s a good thing then THAT WE DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS about being mentioned in the same breath with anybody! You tools and your simple traditions. We don’t want to be compared to ANYBODY! Not Tony Pride, not Jon Atlas, and SURE AS HELL NOT The DemiGods! We are Guerilla Zen! We ARE the ultimate in tag team wrestling and it’s only a matter of time before every one of you sheep know it!!!!
Torres: Marky. Chaaad. It’s been a long time. We haven’t had the pleasure of pummeling you meatheads in what seems like forever.
Janssen: Because we do sooooo enjoy beating the livin’ crap outta you two!
Torres: I guess you could say that tonight is a special night. It’s goin’ to be just like old times. We’ll pound on you for a while, make sure these corporate whores get their blood money’s worth, and then we’ll pin you. And yes, it’s going to be that simple.
Janssen: By the way, thanks for your little video tribute to the greatness of Guerilla Zen. Touching it was – you showing the world the video clips of that publicity stunt fiasco totally unaware that the joke was and IS on you.
Torres: Because that’s all you two are. One big publicity stunt. You didn’t earn those titles. You didn’t win them. They’re meaningless pieces of tin. A disgrace to the NWC world.
Janssen: Just like you two.
Torres: OH SHUT UP! You don’t love them! You love to LAUGH at them!
[These guys are not making ANY friends here tonight.]
Torres: But that all changes here tonight. Tonight, those belts get strapped around the waists of real champions. Tonight, Guerilla Zen takes their first step towards proving everyone wrong, and there’s nothing you posers can do about it.
Janssen: And… if you two guys can build up the courage to come out here and stand face to face with us, now’s the time. We’re waiting.
Torres: The lambs…
Janssen: The slaughter…
Torres: Right here…
Janssen: Right now!
[They drop the microphones down. They hit with a thud. Seconds later new music hits. Sammy Hagar to be exact.]
## Walk out the bedroom / Into the light ##
## Can’t sleep cause morning’s come / Can’t sleep all night ##
## Burned out on the TV set / Burned outa sex ##
## I ain’t trashed / I’m fucking wrecked ##
[The tune is “Shaka Doobie”, and it’s rippin’ it’s way through the sound system while the crowd actually gets to their feet. It’s time for the loveable and musclebound dorks called the BOD Squad to make their arrival.]
## The skyyyyy-yyyyy’s the limit ##
## Shaka, Doobie, Shaka ##
## So hiiiii-iiiiigh up in it ##
## Shaka, Doobie ##
DD: Weighing in at a combined weight of four hundred and twelve pounds… they are *YOURRRRR* PCW TAG TEEEAAAMMM CHAMPIONSSSSS…
…THE BAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWDDD SQUAAAAAAAAAADDDDD!!!!!
[And a sizeable pop follows. Nothing mammoth, but hey, for these two… anything is appreciated. Marky and Chad appear at the end of the aisle, PCW tag title strapped proudly around their waists, and begin to bumble their way towards the ring.]
MM: Here they come… Bloody Wankers R’ Us.
JW: Please, Michael.
MM: Well they ARE!
[Chad and Marky hit the ring and remove their belts, handing them to the ref who quickly calls for the bell.]
[*DING! DING! DING!*]
JW: And here we go! The PCW Tag Titles on the line for the first time in history!
MM: Damn right! Guerilla Zen’s gonna show everybody that they haven’t lost a step!
JW: And the Bodders looking to prove they are legit! And they’re starting off right away, as Marky and Chad quickly go on the attack, kicking and stomping away on the members of the Zen!
JW: But Jansen takes Marky Peters off his feet with a sweeping legspin! He took Marky’s legs out right from under him! And despite Chad’s best efforts to keep Torres down, Jett has scrambled to his feet!
MM: Here we go, boys! HOOAA!! Torres just LEVELED the Chisel with a clothesline!
JW: And it’s Jansen keeping Marky on his back with a choke! Get in there, ref!
[As Jansen continues to choke out Marky Peters on the mat, Torres whips Chad to the ropes and follows him right in, sending the him up and over the top rope and spilling to the floor below. Torres then vaults himself over the top rope and crashes down on Chad with a legdrop onto the floor.]
JW: OH MY! Guerilla Zen is REALLY taking it to the Squad here!
MM: Look at Jansen! Ha! He’s just manhandling Marky!
JW: Jansen now picking Marky Peters up by his throat! And he HURLS him back into the turnbuckle! He charges in….. OH! Nobody home! Rip stepped out of the way!
MM: HA! But there’s Jansen with a quick turn around and massive clothesline! Nice try, Marky! YOU PUNK!
JW: On the outside it’s Torres who is all OVER Chad Cormier. He’s been hammering away with a flurry of fists and now he sends one-half of the Tag Champs sailing towards the ring steps!
MM: Gotta love that!
JW: Inside, Jansen whips Marky off the ropes…
JW: And catches him coming off with a DEVASTATING Spinebuster!! Feel the ring shake on that one!
MM: The Bod Squad is getting DESTROYED! Just like I knew they would!
JW: Torres quickly up onto the apron. Chad is slowly getting to his feet on the outside, but…
JW: TORRES WITH A SPRINGBOARD CROSS BODY BLOCK ON THE OUTSIDE!! My God, what a move! And Chad Cormier is taking a beating!
JW: A fast pace to start the match so far, Michael.
MM: Yeah, Guerilla Zen has really taken it to the Bodders early on. To *nobody’s* surprise. We’ll have new champs before this over. Mark my words.
JW: Peters back to his feet now, and Jansen’s been really impressive thus far. Dash with a boot to the face of Rip Peters.
MM: HE’S HEADING UP TOP!
JW: Dash Jansen ascends the turnbuckle now! This is the Guerilla Zen we heard so much about…
MM: Look at Jett! What’s he doing?
JW: Jett Torres to the top on the other side of the ring. This doesn’t look good for the Bodders.
MM: It isn’t going to be pretty, that’s for sure.
JW: DASH LEAPS…
JW: Huge impact on that five-star frog splash from Jansen! TORRES NOT WASTING ANY TIME! HE LEAPS…
JW: SENTON DROP FROM THE OTHER SIDE!
MM: WOW! WHAT A MOVE BY GUERILLA ZEN!
JW: They call that move “Anarchy”.
MM: Interesting name.
JW: And they’re not done there, as some heavy boots to the midsection of the prone Bodder, and now a pick-up by Jansen. He scoops him and…
MM: RUNNING POWERSLAM!
JW: Another powerful move by Jansen! He’s showing all sorts of skills tonight. Speed, agility, and some surprising strength. The Bod Squad are simply no match for these two!
MM: Told you!
[Meanwhile, Jett Torres has returned to the outside and dropped Chad Cormier throat-first across a guardrail. Chad is writhing in pain on the ringside floor, clutching his throat. Jansen has Marky propped up in one corner and has been pelting him with fists and kicks.]
JW: And with Chad Cormier obviously in a LOT of pain, I think Torres is… well…
MM: He’s getting a table, baby!
JW: Torres just pulled a table out from under the ring and slid it into the ring! Oh my, what have they got in mind here?
MM: Whatever it is, it’s gonna be AWESOME!
[Torres slides in and both he and Jansen quickly set the table up near one side of the ring. Marky remains dazed and confused in the corner.]
JW: This spells trouble for the Tag Champs!
JW: BIG TIME spinning heel kick by Torres! He nearly knocked Marky Peters’ head into the front row!
MM: And here’s where we get some REAL damage!
JW: Torres in control now, as he whips Marky towards the ropes… Peters off… and a clothesline attempt by the Ripper, but Torres is under it easily… and he bounces off the opposite turnbuckle… back body drop coming up from Marky..
JW: Sunset flip from Torres!
MM: And boy was that a flip!
JW: But he’s not strong enough to pull Peters down with him…
JW: OH MY! JANSEN WITH THE ASSIST! He just delivered a wicked kick to Peter’s chest that drops him over into a pin by Torres!
JW: But Marky manages to kick out. Almost had new champs there.
MM: It’s still only a matter of time.
JW: And now Torres is attempting to lift Marky onto the turnbuckle, and he’s getting a much needed assist from his partner. With Cormier still down on the outside, Guerilla Zen are working this double team to perfection.
MM: Great teamwork!
JW: It’s cheating. But they’ve got him up! And now both members of Guerilla Zen are climbing the turnbuckle on either side of Marky “Rip” Peters.
MM: And I do believe we’re gonna see that table come into play.
JW: They’ve got him hooked now.. and there they go..
MM: THROUGH THE TABLE!! BOOYAHHH!!
JW: “REBELLION!” DOUBLE SUPERPLEX BY TORRES AND JANSEN!
MM: Great teamwork!
JW: IT’S CHEATING!!!
MM: But it’s effective.
JW: This could be all for Marky and the Bodders…
MM: Look at Dash Jansen going for the cover. He’s always thinking.
JW: The ref is making the count..
JW: NO! REMARKABLY RIP GETS HIS SHOULDER UP! OH MY WAS THAT CLOSE!
MM: ROBBED! ROBBED I SAY!
JW: But just listen to that crowd boo! They are not happy about the way the Zen are dominating here.
[As Jansen and Torres stand in triumphantly in the center ring, arms outstretched, soaking in the boo’s and garbage that is being verbally and physically hurled at them, they fail to notice Chad Cormier on the outside. He has recovered enough to grab a steel chair and begins to make his way secretly back into the ring.]
JW: What is Chad Cormier doing?
MM: He’s asking for a beating, is what he’s doing.
JW: But the Zen don’t see him! He’s going to–
JW: DOUBLE CHAIR SHOTS!! CHAD JUST TOOK BOTH MEMBERS OF THE ZEN OUT WITH SHOTS TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!
MM: What the?!
JW: And now he’s covering Torres!!
[*DING! DING! DING!*]
MM: What?! NOOOOO!!
JW: THEY’VE WON!! THEY’VE WON!! The Bod Squad has overcome the odds and pulled out a victory!
MM: NOOO! They got DESTROYED! DESTROYED, I TELL YOU!!
JW: But in the end, it’s Chad Cormier who picks up the win!
[Victorious, Chad rolls off of Torres and out of the ring. Reaching in under the bottom rope, he drags his half-dead partner out of the wreckage of the shattered table and assists him trying to stand while the ref brings them over their PCW title belts. Inside, Jansen and Torres are slowly getting up, just as much stunned by the surprise as they are wounded by the actual blows. The crowd roars in approval as the two men look around, trying to figure out exactly what happened.]
MM: This means NOTHING! Do you hear me? NOTHING!
JW: I’d say a defense of their titles means a lot to the Bodders!
MM: NO! NO! NO! They didn’t win!
JW: Sure they did.
MM: But they got their asses kicked!!
JW: True. But they still won!
[Marky and Chad, complete with their belts, begin to shake off the effects of the massive beating they took. In fact, with the realization of their victory now setting in, they begin to actually celebrate. The camera moves in and we pick up their voices.]
Cormier: Marky… MARKY! WE WON! WE WON!
Peters: [still in a relative daze] Hazzah?
Cormier: Do you know what this means?
Peters: We’re pop?
Cormier: Better… WE DON’T SUCK ANYMORE!!! WOOHOO!!
[As Chad begins to dance around ringside like an idiot, Torres and Jansen take notice from their position on the inside. They exchange a glance, and it’s as if an unspoken agreement has just been reached.]
JW: Michael… Torres and Jansen look like they’re up to something.
MM: Whatever it is, I’d say it’s justified. They just got ROBBED.
JW: Jansen and Torres… Guerilla Zen takes off running…
JW: “SUISLINGSHOT!” BY GUERILLA ZEN!
MM: These guys are absolutely friggin’ nuts!
JW: That double slingshot shoulder block sent the Chisel crashing into the guardrail! Guerilla Zen are gonna get their revenge one way or another.
[As Dash and Jett stumble to their feet, they immediately pair off and begin putting the boots to the BOD Squad. Within seconds a gaggle of refs and security make their way down and pull them off, but not before the damage has been done. Peters and Cormier are now completely toast. They just lie their, title belts draped over their chests. In fact, the belts have been nearly beat INTO their chests.]
JW: Ever get the feeling this isn’t over?
MM: Nawwww, ya think? Wanker.