Introducing The Bodders

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[At rise, we find ourselves inside of what appears to be a private work-out room of some kind. Nothing too elaborate; mostly free-weights, a treadmill, and a few random pieces of generic equipment. It’s a pretty nice room though. Everything appears to be in good working order and the walls are covered with full length mirrors (which of course allows us to see the camera man’s reflection. He waves at us. Dork.) A young man lays on a bench, pumping reps with a heavily weighted barbell. His buddy spots.]

[In case you hadn’t figured it out, the two men are in fact the heroes of our story. On the bench is “Chisel” Chad Cormier. Spotting is his partner, Marky “Rip” Peters. Together they are… The BOD Squad. They’re two muscle-bound rejects from Venice Beach, who spend more time admiring their own physiques than anything else.]

Marky: C’mon, dude. Push it. Don’t be such a girl.

[Chad continues to bench press away, grunting slightly as he does so.]

Marky: Dude, you gotta do at least thirty more. That’d be sweet, brah.

[As Chad pumps and pumps, Marky finally notices that the camera is there. Now why it took him this long is beyond me, because the place is tiny and it’s next-to-impossible for anyone to enter the damn room without being seen, but oh well. These two weren’t hired for their brains.]

Marky: Woh, dude, camera time.

[He steps out from behind the bench and strolls towards the camera a bit. In the background, Chad keeps at it.]

Marky: Far out, brah. Check this…

[Marky strikes an absurd pose for the camera, flexing his admittedly impressive muscles for the fans at home.]

Marky: Check it, dude. I’m like Atlas. A regular Greek god. Booyeah!

[Some more ridiculous posing follows. At just under six feet tall and a little over two-hundred and twenty pounds, he is not an imposing figure in wrestling standards. But his physique is second-to-none. Problem is, he’s a dork, and doesn’t even know it.]

Marky: Aww, yeah. Me and The Chisel… [he motions to his partner who remains on the bench behind him, his grunts growing louder with each successive rep] …we’ve been toying with the competition here in the en-ee-doubleyou-ess for too long. It’s time we started kicking some serious east coast booty.

[Of course, some more pathetic posturing follows.]

Marky: Out in Venice, yo, we were like legends, brah. But out here in this hella-cold New England, well woh, dude, people don’t seem to know who Rip and The Chisel are. Bogus, I know. But, yo, we’re gonna change all that. Ain’t that right, Chiz?

[Cormier makes no effort to answer. By now he’s started struggling with the barbell and merely grunts out a pain-filled “UNGH!” as he pushes the bar up. Gee, he sure could use a spotter.]

Marky: Rad. [he flexes for no apparent reason] Now all you east coast honeys, don’t be afraid of the Ripster here. I won’t crush ya, yo. In fact, these impressive pythons you see before you… [another mighty flex for the camera] …aren’t the only muscles I got… if you catch my drift. BOOYEAH!

[In the reflection we see the cameraman begin to speak as we can also clearly see Cormier struggling to push the weights up. Peters cuts the cameraman off and ignores his attempted warning.]

Marky: Yo, dude, just point and click, eh. The ladies need to get a decent glimmer of my phat physique. Grrrrrrrrrr.

[Okay, the Hulk Hogan imitation is getting lame. ENOUGH WITH THE POSING!]

Marky: Now to all you taggers out here in the en-ee-doubleyou-ess, consider this a friendly warning. Me and The Chisel… dude, we’re like, kicking ass and taking names. We got our sights set on some of that “eff-iy-en-ee – fine” gold. And if that means we have to lay some of the west coast smack down on to those two walking freaky-deakies, Malignance, well then, yo, we’ll just have to do it. ….. BEE-OTCH!

[So by now, Cormier is nearly dead. The barbell has become too heavy for him to lift anymore and is, as you could have easily predicted, now resting across his throat, threatening to choke out the smaller member of the Squad. Having seen enough, the camera man places his unit on the floor (I meant the camera, pervs! Not the OTHER unit!) and heads off to help Chad with his dilemma. Marky takes the opportunity to pose and flex a few more times for the stationary camera.]

Marky: Awww, yeah. Check that out, babes!

[After quite a struggle, the camera man manages to get the weights off of Chad’s chest and into their resting place. The youngster bolts upright on the bench, clutching at his throat and breathing heavy. The camera man falls back against the mirrored wall, wiping the sweat from off his brow. Chad suddenly sees his partner posing for the camera and gets a stern look on his face. He rises from the bench and approaches Marky from behind, tapping him on the shoulder.]

[Marky turns around to see his partner there, but instead of Chad punching him or yelling at him, or doing anything to indicate his anger with Marky for leaving his spot, Chad simply nudges Marky aside and begins to pose himself. The two brain-dead gym rats proceed to pose and flex for the camera which somehow, magically… fades to black.]


The Chisel

The BOD Squad

Making the tag team world a dangerous place

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