In Search Of… Tom Selleck

:::::An NWC Video Presentation:::::

Music Cue:

[“Young Island” by Peter Frampton, with it’s soft acoustic guitar stylings and the gentle sounds of birds chirping and waves sweeping to shore, begins to play. We hear no sounds that coincide with the eventual visual as there basically are none at first.]

[Opening shot is of a fairly deserted beach-front street. We are on the near side of the road, our view looking across the pavement. Waves of heat radiate up from the road’s blistering surface. We are in Hawaii, the Island of Oahu to be exact, a fact made all the more clear by a line of Palm Trees that dot the roadside. Walking along the sidewalk on the far side, is Devo Tremors. He is dressed rather casually. A pair of white knee length khaki shorts, and a loose-fitting pink tank-top with a volleyball emblazoned on the front. His hair is back in it’s customary pony-tail and he wears a navy blue Boston Red Sox cap, the adjustable kind with the pony-tail hanging out through the hole in the rear. He shuffles along slowly in shiny white sneakers, alternating glances between his surroundings and the sheet of paper he carries in his hand.]

Cut To:

[Another street, similar to the first. The angle is different however. We are now watching Devo come slowly towards us as we are on the same side of the street as he. Although he is relatively far away from out position (roughly 100 feet or so) we can see a look of slight confusion on his face.]

Cut To:

[Yet a third street. As with the first two, it is uncrowded by traffic. We are once again on the opposite side of the street as Devo, this time at a 120º angle to his rear as he walks up the sidewalk. Almost immediately after establishing the shot, a large gray and maroon tour bus hurdles into view. It heads up the street, emitting a cloud of dark brown smog and kicking our ears with a loud rumble as it downshifts. Soon, it is out of view, revealing Devo, who has stopped on the roadside to check his paper again.]

Cut To:

[One more street. (Last one, I swear.) We are now alone on a sidewalk, looking down the concrete pathway as it slopes downward at bit, banking around a corner about twenty feet away at a curbside. The sidewalk is sandwiched between the road to our left and a row of tall hedges to our right. Within seconds, Devo Tremors turns the corner and into view. He moves forward, towards us, stopping just shy of the camera, seemingly unaware of it’s presence. (He’s either really focused, or one damn fine actor.) He again consults the paper he is carrying, then looks around for a street sign. The camera slowly pans upward to a shot of said sign, hanging from a nearby streetlamp. It reads:]

KALANIANAOLE HIGHWAY

[The camera pans back to Devo, who still looks confused. We see the camera man’s arm reach out and tap Devo lightly on the shoulder and gesture towards the sign. Devo looks up, as does the camera, again panning to the sign. It holds for a second then pans back to Devo. He is now trying to peer through the hedges, but is having no luck. He begins to walk forward, and the camera backs up slowly as he does so. Soon we stop at a break in the hedges, signifying an entrance. Sure enough, there is a large opening with a driveway that is blocked by a huge set of swinging metal gates. A small wooded guard house stands to the left. As the camera pans over the gate, we see a small plaque indicating the address. It reads:]

41-505 Kalanianaole Highway

[The music slowly fades out as Devo moves toward the guard house. As he approaches, a tall Hawaiian man comes to the window of the booth and slides the glass barrier to the left. He is dressed in a typical rent-a-cop uniform. A gray shortsleeve button-up shirt with various badges and insignia, and a black patrolman’s cap, itself with a shiny silver badge. He is wiping his mouth and chewing on some food as he attempts to speak.]

Guard: [spitting food onto Devo] Yeth, thir? Can I helpth youth?

[Devo stands motionless for a second, as the camera moves from his backside to a shot of his front. Bits of chewed food speckle his face and he blinks his eyes a few times as his expression remains somewhat vague.]

Guard: [reaching out through the window with a napkin, attempting to wipe Devo off] *gulp* *swallow* Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. I wasn’t expecting you, and I… well… I had my mouth full…

Devo: That’s okay, you know.

Guard: What can I do for you today, sir?

Devo: [again consulting his paper] Well, is this forty one five oh five, Kala… kneeya… nay… olee… Highway?

Guard: Yes, sir, it is.

Devo: Great. So this is Magnum’s place?

Guard: [with a slight chuckle] Well, I haven’t heard it called that in years, but yeah, you could say this is the place. Actually, is wasn’t his place. It was the Robin Masters Estate. I think they called it the Robin’s Nest.

Devo: Oh. But is he here?

Guard: Who?

Devo: Magnum.

Guard: [somewhat confused] Well, he ah… he never actually lived here, sir. They just filmed here.

Devo: Oh. [pause] So, like, he’s not here then?

Guard: No.

Devo: Oh. [another pause] Do you happen to know where I might find him?

Guard: [laughing as he attempts to make a joke] Hollywood? [the laughing stops when he realizes Devo doesn’t get it] Uh, no. I really have no idea.

Devo: Darnit.

Guard: May I ask what this is concerning?

Devo: Sure. I’ve got to team up with him in a match coming up in a couple of weeks. It’s for the Hurricane Cup. You know, the NWC? He’s my partner for the first round. I figured I’d catch up with him and try and talk strategy.

Guard: [now really confused] Uhhhhh… are you sure you got the right guy? I think you’ve made a mistake.

Devo: Like, I don’t think so. They sent me this notice, you know. It says my first round partner is Magnum. I’ll be honest, I was surprised that he was even involved, but I just considered myself lucky that he was already on the island, even though I guess he wrestles in another federation.

Guard: Do you mind if I look at that for a second? [he extends his hand out, motioning to the pile of papers Devo has been carrying]

Devo: Sure.

[The Guard takes the papers from Devo and sifts through them until he comes across one that seems to provide the answer he was looking for. He holds the paper out for Devo to see and points with his left hand.]

Guard: Ahhhhh… you see, here’s your problem. Your partner is some dude named ‘The Kid’ Johnny Magnum. This house is where they used to shoot the old ‘Magnum P.I.’ TV show. It’s not the same guy, you see.

[The camera focuses on Devo’s face, which is crippled with a look of absolute concentration. After a few moments, he smacks himself of the forehead with the ball of his right hand with a loud *smack*. He takes the stack of papers from the guard with his other hand.]

Devo: Oh, MAN! I can’t believe I DID that! I am such a MORON!

Guard: [attempting to be conciliatory] Hey. It was a simple mistake, really. Anybody could of made it.

Devo: What the heck was I thinking? Magnum P.I. Pfffft. What a jerk I am.

[Devo turns and begins to walk back towards the street, all the while bouncing the ball of his right hand off of his forehead. He turns back to the Guard with a quick wave.]

Devo: Thanks.

[The Guard returns the gesture and looks after Devo with a bewildered expression dominating his face. He shakes his head back and forth a couple of times.]

Guard: What a strange, strange, boy.

[The camera pans back to the left and picks up Devo’s back as he walks down the sidewalk, back from whence he came, still banging away on his skull. He finally turns to corner out of sight, and the camera pans further left and up towards the street sign we saw previously. The image hangs there before finally fading out.]

KALANIANAOLE HIGHWAY

[Obligitory fade to black.]

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