Hardcore Equals Hardtime

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[Interior of a police station. The room is crowded with uniformed officers and various criminals. There is hardly enough room to move around, and the camera man is obviously on the losing end of the battle. The camera is violently jerked back and forth as it is pushed to and fro by the sea of people. Eventually, having been forced up against a wall, the camera is able to stabilize enough to focus on Jasse Falcone, who is seen across the room talking with an officer seated behind a desk. It is impossible to make out any of their conversation above the noise in the room. After a few moments, we see Jesse raise his arm and signal the camera to follow him as he and the officer head down a corridor. The camera follows, albeit with great difficulty. We then head down a narrow corridor and through a heavy steel door with no window. Emerging on the other side, we see we are in the holding cell area. The cells are packed with all sorts of human trash. Muggers, rapists, talk show hosts; all the vermin the streets of New York has to offer. As the camera moves down the hall, the inmates begin to shout a barrage of obscenities, or so we assume, as the sound has been turned off, or edited out, whichever the case may be. Finally, we arrive at our destination. A cell at the very end of the room. Inside, two rather large and unpleasant looking men await. From the looks of them, they are both well over 300 pounds, and neither looks particularly happy. As the officer is about to open the gate to their cell, Jesse stops him and turns to the camera to address us.]

Jesse. Well, boys, here we go. You two crazy bastards said you wanted this to be a hardcore match, so I guess I have no choice but to accept. You know, this isn’t how I expected my first match in the HSW to go. I’ll admit it, I’m a wrestler, not a brawler. So this kind of thing is clearly not up my alley. And with both you boys bein’ about 80 pounds bigger than me, I’d say I’m definitely working at a disadvantage here. But as I’ve been saying all along, I wanted to make a name for myself in this business, and I can’t think of any better way of doin’ that than coming out of this thing on Thursday as the winner. So I’ll play your little game. You want no rules, you got it. You want to drag each other all over the building, using anything you can get your hands on to help you beat me down, well, be my guest. I’m all about givin’ the fans a good show, and I guess this is the way they want it these days. They want to see a bunch of overgrown idiots, like these two, beat each other senseless, well then, let’s give ’em what they want.

[On this last remark, both men in the cell step forward to the bars, thrusting their arms out in an attempt to reach Jesse. The escorting officer pulls out his night stick and smacks both men on the their hands with it. They let out a yell and withdraw their arms. If they weren’t pissed before, they certainly are now. They show off their colorful vocabulary by shouting numerous obscenities at Jesse. While the editor of the video has tried to edit most of them out, it is apparently a lost cause, and most of them slip through. After waiting a few moments for their anger to subside, Jesse speaks again.]

Jesse. Well, anyway. As I’ve said, this kind of match ain’t my gig, so I guess I’ll need to toughen myself up a bit in the next couple of days. Wouldn’t want to go in there and get hurt, just cause I wasn’t prepared. Looks like the good fans of the HSW will have to wait another week or so before they get a chance to see what real wrestling is all about, and see the true meaning behind “Majestic”. But don’t worry, that day will come. So until then, they’ll just have to settle for a good ‘ol fashioned knock-down, drag ’em out, sloberknocker, to steal a phrase. As for these two… [motioning to the rather agitated men who wait behind the bars] …well they’ve been kind enough to offer their services in helping prepare for our little battle. I don’t imagine it will be very pretty. So Q and Manchild, I know you’re both thinking that I’m some little high flying Canadian redneck, and that I’m not much of a threat. Well, I hope your both stupid enough to overlook me, because I got news for you. Just because I prefer to settle things in the ring the way they were meant to be, that doesn’t mean I can’t dish out a little ass-kickin’ when the time calls for it. But you’ll see that soon enough. Good luck to you both. It’s time to play.

[Jesse turns to the officer and motions for him to unlock the cell. He does, and Jesse, taking a deep breath, steps in the cage. The officer locks the cell behind him and then stands by, waiting to let Jesse out when the time is right. The two big men both take a moment to size up their “opponent” before suddenly rushing at him and slamming his back up against the bars. There is a loud *CLANG* as a result of the impact, and their is roar of approval from the rest of the men is the jail house. As the camera slowly fades out, we see as Jesse and his two fellow combatants begin to assault each other with a series of punches and kicks.]

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